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Sending Out a Dove

from MEG​/​\​DETH TEE by Oh Lonesome Ana

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about

Original prose by Johnny Allen

I wake up and I have to pee but I don’t. I hold it as long as I can. I think: I’ll get an empty soda bottle to piss in, so I don’t have to leave my room in the morning. As soon as I step out, he’s there. He sleeps on the couch most nights. And when I can I creep past and try not to wake him.

He catches me sometimes: stop fuckin walkin around on eggshells. I don’t know what that means. I’ve never heard the expression before.

Why leave so many eggshells around if he doesn’t want me walking on them? There are layers and layers of eggshells: his 3 kids who won’t talk to him, his wife who is suing him, his mother who never loved him, his father who murdered his younger sister in the public swimming pool when he was 8, memories of his drug years, how his best friend died, suffocating on his own vomit, the liquor store he held up at gunpoint, a shotgun to the man’s face, how stupid he still feels for getting caught, his gambling addiction.

lyrics

I heard the ocean starting to give up
We took all the fish
Replaced them with plastic
I heard the voice of God above
A promise to destroy everything on the earth in his flood
And so I'm sending out a dove

And I'm trying hard to see the rainbow
Outside my window
Right there in the street
Giving me reason to go out there
But the dove keeps coming back to me

I saw clouds
Of industrial waste
Displace all the air
With garbage and mercury
And in the heaven's seven angels of blood
And I understood the things
that I thought that had passed were to come

And so I'm sending out a dove
And I'm trying hard to see the rainbow
Outside my window
Right there in the street
Giving me reason to go out there
But the dove keeps coming back to me

I don't care about his drug years
I don't care that his mother didn't love him
I don't care that he watched his best friend die
He's still sleeping on the couch as I creep on by

And I'm trying hard to see the rainbow
Outside my window
Right there in the street
(Giving me reason)
And so I'm sending out a dove
But the dove keeps coming back
The dove keeps coming back
The dove keeps coming back to me

credits

from MEG​/​\​DETH TEE, released July 15, 2022

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Oh Lonesome Ana Sacramento, California

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